you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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