you would pick up someone in the library
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
