how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
