I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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