I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
