ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize