The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
