kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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