pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
