It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
