Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
