There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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