I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
