Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
