Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
