are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
