I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did i walk over a car last night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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