dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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