apparently the secret to your success is patron
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
