My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
