She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
