yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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