i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
