I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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