No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
