True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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