I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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