I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
