I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
