wakey wakey hands off snakey
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize