I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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