When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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