I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
