Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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