Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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