Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
