I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
