Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
