He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
