WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
