had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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