I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
