in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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