pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
