don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
