um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
