i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he was CRYING into my vagina
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
