im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
