uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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