I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize