I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
