if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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