We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
