Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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