I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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