Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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