i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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