She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
