Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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