Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
