She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
