I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
