I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
