I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
