every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
